a waiting game......

our due date is monday....the 16th. it seems crazy that five weeks have passed since we first got that long awaited call from our social worker telling us that there was a couple who wanted to meet us. i remember thinking at that time that there was no way we could be ready for a baby in five weeks. but......our friends, family,co-workers, vendors on my much adored etsy.com, and one really cheap painter have been truly amazing in showering us with gifts and being willing to rush jobs for us. this little girl is going to be so loved.

in looking back over the past five weeks i don't think i would have wanted much more time than we've had. the waiting is too hard and seems so long as we get closer and closer to the due date. this five weeks has been the longest wait we've had in this five year journey.

it's so strange to think of all the life we've lived in the last five weeks. we've met with our birth parents and their parents four different times, we've had two baby showers, we've put together a nursery, we've hung out with all of our family members, i've trained a long-term sub for my classroom at school, we've read a book together on getting your baby on a schedule, i cleaned out a drawer in our kitchen for bottles (not an easy feat.....i have a lot of dishes), we've argued over how to put the car seat in the car (i suspect that's not the last of the arguments over the car-seat......for all the good they'll do, they really do take you the brink of marital counseling and back), and so much more. it's been a whirlwind. but a good one. one that has really made us grow as a couple and helped us to see what is really important.

i've cried a lot tears over our birth parents. something that's really taken me by surprise but has felt so good. i worry so intensely for them because i dread their hurt knowing it is ultimately our joy. i know they are making the best decision, the most fair decision for this little girl, and i wouldn't have it any other way. but i understand the bitter sweetness that our social worker warned us about. i remember sitting in my adoption classes thinking that all the discussions we were having about that aspect of adoption wouldn't apply to me.....it was too touchy for me. now, i can't imagine someone not feeling this way. it weighs so heavy on our hearts.

i can't wait to bring our little girl home and have her be ours and call her our daughter. i can't wait to be up at night with her and be able to say the next day that my daughter kept me up. i can't wait to watch chris hold her and kiss her. i can't wait for my parents to have a grand-child and for chris's parents to have a grand-daughter. i can't wait until she gets older and i can do amazing projects with her like my mom did with me.....ones that involve a lot of glitter. i can't wait for chris to teach her how to stand in a river and catch a fish. i can't wait until she begs to spend the weekend with aunt ellen and then convince her that living with mom and dad is as cool as living in a loft in downtown chicago. i can't wait for all those things. but.....i have to get through this hospital experience first and it scares us so much. we need the right words and the strength. i know it will come--god gives us those things when we don't have them on our own. it's the unknown that is scary.

we are so excited to post a blog entry that lets you know that we're on the way to the hospital.....i'd love it to be tonight! i don't think we'll get that lucky though. so......in the mean-time here are a few pictures of our nursery and one fabulous little sweatshirt that my sister glitterized......one of many! "gigi" is ellen's nickname of choice for georgia. yes.....we finally decided.......georgia elyse will be this little miracles name! (thanks for your votes.)