a little fear.....

is what i have. warranted, unwarranted.....i don't know. i think warranted because there are some aspects of the adoption process that are not shared by all parents...that's not to say that all parents don't deal with some kind of fear, trepidation, and anxiety about this little person that they are now in charge of, and it's not to say that as parents we don't need to understand that these babies are given to us a a gift from god and they are never really our own, but as our court date for our birth parents gets closer my "crazy" meter goes up.

our birth parents go to court on monday to terminate their parental rights. i have NO reason to think that things won't go smoothly other than the given fears that always exist with an adoption--people changing their minds. on monday night of this week i had a bit of a breakdown and went and stared at georgia in bed for about about a 1/2 hour. i just kept thinking about how much i am in love with this little girl, and all the imaginings i have about her future and what our relationship will be like......the thought of her not being with us as her parents knocks the wind out of me. eventually i went to bed and was able to put it out of my mind for a bit.

i went to a friends house on tuesday and then headed out to do some errands. while i was out our birth mom's mom (does that make sense?) called and left a message on my answering machine that she was in the area and wanted to stop by if it was okay. i called her back when i got home and she was already home and couldn't get out again. but, we started talking about georgia and how she now weighs 10 1/2 pounds, how strong she's getting, and some pictures that i'd sent to them. i love talking to this woman. i have so much respect for her as a mom and think she's incredibly wise and reflective. towards the end of the conversation she asked if i knew that they had a court date for monday. i said i did. she asked if i was nervous about it. i paused for a minute and then just decided to be honest. she told me she completely understood and if the situation was reversed she'd probably feel the same way....but she wanted to assure me that there was nothing to be nervous about....this is their firm decision and they know it's best for everyone involved, especially georgia.

when we hung up i thought about the timing of that phone call in relationship to my fears the night before. i know it wasn't a coincidence--she's never called me out of the blue of like that--it was god's way of comforting me at that moment. i'll be honest....it hasn't taken all the fear away completely because i'm a doubter and a worrier and i can create a thousand scenarios in my head as to how something could go wrong....but it was a pocket of time that made me feel confident and know that god was watching out for me......and my mental state.

georgia continues to do so well. she's a fantastic baby and we love her so much. i think she gets about ten thousand kisses a day on her cheeks and her feet....she just looks at me like i'm crazy. every once in a while she makes one of those baby cooing sounds that i know will become more and more frequent as she gets older and i just can't wait to see what her little personality is going to be like. we love to watch her sleep because she makes the craziest noises and facial expressions (i know....everyone's baby does....but somehow when it's yours you think it's original and no other baby has ever done that). she's amazing.

here are a few shots we've taken of her in the last few days....this first one was after a bath....this girl's got hair! the second one with my mom is georgia staring at our ceiling fan....her favorite. and the last one is georgia asleep on chris's chest.