love

just a quick note tonight. georgia had a rough night going to sleep this evening. she's honestly had three fantastic nights in a row and i know they were because she had good naps during the day. today.....not so much. anyway.....she was exhausted, rubbing those little eyes, big yawns, and so upset about everything. we read some books together, got into her jammies, and had some tasty soy similac but those didn't produce a sleeping baby. we had a lot of crying, shushing, falling asleep in my arms only to wake upon being put in bed, etc. etc. but the point of this quick little entry is to say that the love i have for this little girl is so huge and getting huger.....in the midst of her crying and screaming and fighting sleep she'll turn her head and smile at me through tears. it makes me cry when she does that because in her little three month old state she still wants to smile at me and tell me that she loves me, depends on me, needs me, and thinks the world of her mommy.

a mommy who is often so quick to get frustrated with her and think in my "i don't know what else to do" state that she must be doing this on purpose to make me mad. i know that's not true in that moment when she smiles at me and it builds a stronger perspective in me of what it means to be a mom. this little life i've been given to nurture and develop.....and i only get this one chance. i only get one chance at her fourteenth week, fifteenth week, and each day.....i only get them once.........so, i want to start each day by asking myself what i'm going to do today to make this a great 104th day of her life and the next day a great 105th day?

i'm not so myopic that i don't know there will be lots of bad days, more frustrating days, days that i want to and probably will throw in the towel, but through it all, i want to remember that little smile.....that little smile through tears.....that little smile that tells me that georgia loves her mommy.